Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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