part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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