last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
