Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
