stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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