u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
