Umm I'm too high to move.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
