last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
