3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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