Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
