she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize