Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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