Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
