How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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