How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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