he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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