I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Come on in and take your pants off
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