wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
