I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
