Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
