Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
