Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
