Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
