I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize