I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize