So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
