Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
