just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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