They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i now understand why vodka
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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