I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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