She is in my trunk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Enjoy the penises
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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