I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
