Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
