I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
