Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
