Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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