We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm really busy with my period
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