He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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