So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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