you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
