but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
