Your face is a jimmy john
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
