just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
