Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
