Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
