Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
