Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
