The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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