Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
