no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
where are my eyebrows?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
