Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im holly from the hills drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
