I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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