You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
