Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
