i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize