I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
