You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
