last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
