he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
