I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Come on in and take your pants off
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