i was born a porn star she said
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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