I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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