then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
