Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
