He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
