just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
