I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
