you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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