went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
