I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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